The Underfunded Educational System Led To My Beating!

By Ellie Mangle-Lero

Sometimes What We Think Is English Isn’t English At All?

Oh Hai!

I am back from the hospital,  and ready to go to work! My ribs still ache, but the Percocets really help! Of course, the first thing I want to talk about is what happened at the inner city playground on Monday. When we got out of the Lincoln Navigator with the artesian bottled water and organic oatmeal raisin cookies, we were approached by a young African American man.

I had my camera out to take his picture as we gave him the treats, and he asked me if he could “hold my camera.” Of course I agreed, and when he turned to leave,  I asked him to return my camera.  He just kept walking, so Mick Dumdell also asked him to return the camera so that we could get photos of our good deeds for Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. I did not hear the entire conversation, but the youth then began screaming that we were “creepy ass crackers” who were trying to molest him.

Immediately we were attacked by numerous Black concerned citizens, including children from a local daycare. That really hurt my feelings because I truly love children. No one would stop long enough to listen to us, which was understandable because of our white privilege.  Although upside down,  with my underwear around my ankles, I was able to see the Navigator burning, while several Black citizens were grabbing various personal items from the vehicle, presumably to save them from the fire. I am sure that everything, including my purse, cell phone, cash, and credit cards will eventually be returned.

Within a few seconds, the police arrived, with a SWAT Team, and all the Black people, including the young children, scattered to the four winds in justifiable fear of being racially profiled by the police.  While recovering in my hospital room, I had a chance to review what happened, and after some basic computer research determined that it was all the fault of the underfunded public education system!

This is because of the failure to teach white people the various subtleties of African-American dialectical English. You see, when the young Black gentleman asked to “hold” my camera, I understood him in the context of white-privilege English, which meant allowing him to physically hold it temporarily, with the ownership remaining vested in me. The same was true for Mick Dumdell. However, in Black English, when one asks to “hold” something, it means:

to borrow something, usually a small amount of money that will probably not be returned; or

to steal something from a person. money, car, watch, airplane, old lady’s walker, icecream truck, identity,the wheel, dignity, andre’s pants, etc…

Example: Dude walks into a store pumps his shotgun, and points it at the manager  and says, “Let me hold that cash register!”

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=let+me+hold+that

This means that when I asked for my camera back, I was unilaterally revoking an implied contract to give the camera to him in what Mssr. Fou says is something called fee simple. No wonder the young man became angry! He was once more being taken to the cleaners by white people. And what is called “Indian giving”, although I am sure the Native-Americans learned it from white people, aka the “white eyes”.  I am not sure why the youth called us “creepy ass crackers”, and said we were trying to molest him, but perhaps that is also a matter of semantics.

Our educational system should be teaching ALL forms of English spoken in the United States, not just white-privilege English. That simply requires more funding, and that takes a village!

Ellie Mangle-Lero

Blog Administrator’s Note:  I have added this link to Ms. Mangle-lero’s post for those of you have not been following the series of unfortunate misunderstandings which led to a small inner city riot,  Ms. Mangle-Lero’s injuries, and one of our bloggers being involuntarily committed to a mental institution. This will catch you up on the whole story.

https://pansiesforplato.wordpress.com/2015/06/30/update-liberal-blogger-dumdell-held-over-for-sanity-hearing/

Footnote by an Anonymous BFF:

The Image above is from the really kewl 1960 British Sci-Fi film, Village of the Damned. The children are only English on the outside, because their mums were impregnated by something from Outer Space!  The “white eyes” statement above is interesting because this is some of the weird stuff these little monster kids with their half-alien brains would do when they were mind-controlling other people and spontaneously starting fires and stuff: