By Penelope Dreadful
Over the last few nights I marginally got into a forum discussion with some people who maintain that Ted Cruz is NOT a natural born citizen, and thus ineligible to run for the Presidency. This is not a subject that I find interesting in the least, and from my brief exposure to “Birthers”, not one that I wish to debate about. Their legal reasoning seems to consist of pulling some ersatz quasi-legal conclusion out of their ass, and then pontificating about it.
Luckily, my BFF, Squeeky Fromm Girl Reporter, is an expert on the topic. She tried (mostly unsuccessfully) over the last 4 or 5 years to get me into it, but I don’t find Internet Arguments to be a productive use of time. I mean really, when have you ever seen an online commenter change their mind and admit they were wrong? NEVER! Several years ago she posted a column at The Birther Think Tank, wherein she posited a Birther lawsuit against Ted Cruz in the year 2020, and then wrote an opinion as if a judge decided the issue. I just finished reading it, and she did an excellent job! So, I am going to repost it here, in full. The heart of it is this pdf of the decision:
And, here is the link to the original story:
And, NO Squeeky! I am not getting into this Birther stuff! 🙂 Now, her original post from 2013:
With 2020 Foresight! The Ted Cruz Birther Lawsuit
Well, I have been working my tail off on this one! I got to asking myself what would happen if Sen. Ted Cruz, or some other person who was born outside the country, ran for the presidency. Surely if the parents weren’t both American citizens, the whole silly two citizen parents stuff would rear its goofy head again.
But exactly how would the Birthers frame the argument? And how would the Defendants respond? Reading the law review articles would help with spotting the issues, but there is nothing like getting your hands dirty to get a good handle on things. The standard responses to date would not apply across the board in this case. For example, the Wong Kim Ark decision was based on a person who was born inside the United States. This was Obama’s situation, also.
Sooo, I pretended it was the year 2020, and Sen. Ted Cruz was running for office. Cruz was born in Canada and became a citizen of the United States at birth. It is easy to imagine a Birther(s) signing up to run for President, as some did this last year, in an effort to pass the standing hurdle. It is also reasonable that an Emergency Petition for Injunctive Relief would be filed in an attempt to remove Cruz from the ballot. As a method to present the scenario, I chose to write a decision as a United States District Judge denying this Injunctive Relief to the Birther. This method would present the main points of both sides, and a possible result.
For purposes of illustration, I chose Mario Apuzzo, Esq. as the Imaginary Birther, representing himself pro se. This is because he is sooo predictable, and sooo old hat. The old hat idiom means, “seen or done many times and no longer interesting. Trite. Stale. Predictable.” There is another meaning for those who have vulgar tongues, but I will skip that because this is mostly a G rated place.
Below is a pdf of my decision. I left out some of the things you normally find in a decision such as the procedural stuff. This was done to keep it shorter and simpler to read. I hope from the decision the reader can get a feel for how the Birther argument would be structured, and how a Defendant would respond.
This is strictly my opinion, and there are certainly other legal strategies that could be utilized by the Birthers or Defendants. I invite my readers, Obot, Anti-Birther, and Birther to submit their own thoughts via email attachment. I will be glad to update this article with their work along with proper attribution.
While this may not seem like the height of fun, it has to be better than a surprise visit from the Secret Service such as experienced by the readers of other websites. Enjoy!
(ignore this just a pdf here for link purposes: